you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
