No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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