I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
