tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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