This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
