I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
