Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
