Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
