for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
