just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
