people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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