got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
