I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
