there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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