I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
