If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
