yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
not ubering you a puppy
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
