the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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