I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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