you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
