my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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