he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
