FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
