So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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