Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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