I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
