Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It was confusing and full of hummus
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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