she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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