Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
