Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
