You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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