btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
