connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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