I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
