my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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