Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.

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(602): View more from Arizona

literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.

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(917): View more from New York City

he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...

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(906): View more from Michigan

Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev

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(315): View more from New York

So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.

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(802): View more from Vermont

I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom

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