The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
