Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I have tasted many bathrooms
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
