just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
