Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
