marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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