After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
