Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Is it because I queefed?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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