Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
