i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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