White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
