The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
