Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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