don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
