Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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