You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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